2 Funny jokes the Pro told us on the first tee this weekend

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men’s tee, please!" Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women’s tee kindly back up the men’s tee!" Mike had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"




A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go up there, find the owner, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done. Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We’re sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you, You see, I’m a genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that’s great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie, "You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life! And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, "what’s your wish, Genie?" "Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I’d do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of nonstop sex, the Genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "We’re both 35," she responded breathlessly. "Really?" he says. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

Kid Rock and John Daly

Yesterday two fan favorites played together in the Buick Open Pro-Am at Warwick Hills. Long John Daly and hometown boy Kid Rock were paired together in what may have been teh most disfunctional pro-am group in PGA history. Check out the vidoe of Daly hitting his drive off of a 24 oz. Bud can.

Wegmans LPGA Thoughts

Suzann Petterson let the win slip away this weekend in the Wegmans Rochester LPGA at Locust Hill. Eun-Hee Ji put on a putting clinic on the back nine and was able catch Peterson and win by one. There have been several articles written about Locust Hill this week saying that the course is far too easy and they should consider redesigning several holes to make it play harder for the LPGA. The four-day scoring average at Wegmans was 72.62, a full shot lower than any of the three previous years. Every hole on the course was played 430 times this week, and at 17, there were only 30 bogeys and one double bogey. On the other hand, there were 153 birdies and eight eagles. No other hole on the course is close to such a disparity. Sunday seven of the top 10 finishers birdied it, and it cost one who didn't — former champion Jeong Jang, who tied for third. These stats give the impression that the course is far too easy, but most of the holes are played from the front tees and it had a total distance of around 6,250. The best part is that they played lift clean and place all week; not because the course was too wet but because there was the threat of heavy rain everyday. They were afraid that the course may become too wet and some players would have an advantage over others.
If the LPGA wanted make the course harder they could do it easily by having the players play form the men’s tees or even some holes form the back tees. They could also consider putting some of the pins in locations not in the middle of the green. The 13th hole is a 2 tier green that plays almost ¾ of a stroke harder with the pin on the top level and the LPGA played in the bottom for all of the rounds.
I am not taking anything away from these ladies, they are unbelievable golfers. The course should be set up to match their skill level not just to make them look good.

New Shave kit for travelers

I got this shave kit in the airport when i realized that I forgot to pack all of my toiletries on a recent trip. It may have been the best purchase I have ever made and I would suggest that any guy who travels or just hates to shave picks one up. Sorry that this post has nothing to do with golf, but I thought I would pass on my recent find to all of you guys.

Small World

Two best friends met to play a round at their country club. There were two women playing ahead of them and they had to wait few holes in a row before they could hit their shots. At the 4th tee one of them finally said : " Hey, John - why don't you walk up to these ladies in the fairway and ask if we could play through?"John agreed and started walking down the fairway. Half way down he turned around and jogged back. "What happend?" asked the other friend.John said "There is NO WAY I could ask them to play through. Once I got closer I realized it's my wife and my mistress playing ahead of us !. I hope you understand. Why don't you go and ask them?" The other friend started walking down the fairway... half way down he turned around and came back looking down, avoiding John's eyes."What happed???" asked John. "It's a small, small world" answered his friend.....

Golf Course GPS for your Blackberry

I found a program called green finder gps this weekend that turns your blackberry into a sky caddie like device. It uses the built in GPS to give you accurate distances tot he green (front, middle, back) and all hazards on the hole. The software is free to download and use 5 times. It is definetly worth trying if you don't want to drop $400 on a GPS for golf.
http://www.itinerantsoftware.com/

Robin Williams on Golf

I haven;t seen this in a long time and forgot how funny Robin Williams take on the invention of golf was. Enjoy

Good Idea for a Golfers bachelor Party.

I came across this website while I was lookign for some good gag gifts for an upcoming bachelor part. They have some fun putters, balls and other stuff at

http://greennovelties.com

Michelle Wie at The Rochester Wegman's LPGA

Michellt Wie showed up at Locust Hill C.C. in Rochester Sunday afternoon to play a practice round and had several interesting demands. She wanted to play during the members times (the course closed for the week before the tournament on Sunday night at 6p.m.) and wanted to have at least 2 holes open in front of her and 2 behind her. She also wanted the range closed to everyone but her before and after her round. That sounds like a few too many demand from a player who is playing on a sponsors exemption.

4 Good tip for Playing hard Golf Courses

1. Take your practice swing to the depth of the ball
When you have a shot from the rough, don't just take a mindless practice swing hack. Find a similar area of grass, and practice your swing at the same depth your ball sits. Then, if the club grabs or slides through easily, you can calibrate for that on the real shot.
2. Play your bunker shots to the same tier as the flag
On every bunker shot, look to see where the most dangerous place to end up is. For example, if you were playing to a flag on an upper tier and you had to angle a shot up to that tier, leaving it short could send the ball rolling back off the front of the green into a collection area. Aim for the fattest part of the tier where the flag is, even if you're not aiming at the hole.
3. Loft your greenside shots instead of bump-and-running them
On really fast greens with holes cut close to the edges, you can't get away with hitting "safe" running chips. You need to use your L-wedge to hit pitches with some spin so they check up and trickle to the hole. Keep your weight left and your nose over the ball, and practice making crisp contact with the ball first, then the grass. Gouging a giant divot doesn't produce backspin.
4. Translate the green speed before every putt you take
When greens run 13 or 14 on the Stimpmeter, it's easy to blow a 12-footer 10 feet by the hole. On the practice green, place another ball halfway to the cup, just outside your line, and pretend the hole is even with the second ball. This will help you calibrate your speed. Then, on the course, visualize that ball on every putt.